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Controlled Crying – Good or Bad?

In a nutshell, controlled crying is a sleep training method that teaches your child to sleep independently. It doesn’t mean you abandon your baby to their tears, per say, but you are required to leave them to cry for increasing periods of time. The length of time between visits is gradually amplified until your baby is asleep. “Controlled crying” has become very fashionable in recent years, but experts are still undecided as to its long term effects.

Most people don’t believe it will do any serious harm. Put it into perspective; the average baby cries for about three hours every day anyway. Also, research shows that babies (and toddlers) are more securely attached and happier after sleep training. It does make perfect sense, when you think about it: a child that sleeps better at night will be less tired and irritable during the day… and that’s good for everyone.

However, there are a few child experts who do not condone controlled crying and Dr Miriam Stoppard goes so far to say that controlled crying is “unnatural and even harmful”. Her point is that before the baby is developmentally ready to go to sleep itself, you can’t train him or her. Conversely, once the baby is ready, he or she doesn’t need training. I’m sure her views will resonate with the parents who can’t stand to leave their baby crying for more than a few seconds (I’m one of them).

Dr Stoppard goes on to say that stress in infancy, caused by leaving a young baby to cry, can result in “high levels of stress hormones that dampen the formation of a healthy brain”. She refers to a book by three American psychiatrists, professors Lewis, Amini and Lannon, who suggest that this can change the baby’s brain forever. They believe that letting a baby cry for long periods can lead to timid, clingy children, neurotic, withdrawn teenagers and adults vulnerable to anxiety and depression. 

OK, maybe that seems a little too “new age”, but whether or not we spoil our child (double meaning intended) through controlled crying or not, there are other methods that parents can use to teach babies to sleep. 

Other Things Parents Can Do To Promote Sleep:

Begin by contemplating these questions:

·         Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated?

·         Is my baby’s night-time routine negatively affecting my marriage, my job, or my relationships with my other children?

·         Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested?

·         Am I happy, healthy, and well rested?

·         What is a reasonable expectation for my baby at his/her age?

·         What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “acceptable”?

·         What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “pure bliss”?

·         Why do I want to change my baby’s sleep patterns? Is it truly what’s best for me and my baby, or am I doing this to meet someone else’s expectations?

·         Am I willing to be patient and make a gradual, gentle change for my baby if that means no crying? 

Once you answer these questions, you will have a better understanding of not only what is happening with regard to your baby’s sleep, but what approach you will feel most comfortable using to help your baby sleep better. 

METHOD 1: Pick up, put down

Maintaining regular contact with your baby until (s)he’s reassured enough to fall asleep.

1. Watch for your baby’s sleepy signs” yawning, eye-rubbing and general crankiness.
2. Put her/him in the cot while (s)he’s drowsy but awake.
3. If (s)he cries, pick her/him up and comfort her/him with a ’sshhh’ until (s)he stops crying, then put her/him down.
4. Continue with picking her up if s/he gets upset. Eventually s/he’ll realise that you’ll put her/him down once s/he’s calm, and s/he’ll learn to fall asleep by her/himself. S/he’ll begin to associate the ’sshhh’ sound with sleep so that if s/he wakes the sound alone should work.

Tip: This is much easier and more effective if you wait until your baby’s sleepy.

PROS:                                                  CONS:
- Gentle on the baby.                      - Can take a lot of your time each night.
- Emotionally easy on you.          – Can take weeks, not days, to work.

                                                                 – All the bending over can be hard on your back.

METHOD 2: Controlled comforting

This is a compromised 'controlled crying' technique

1. Put your baby in her/his cot awake, then leave. Wait outside for 2 minutes to see if s/he settles.
2. If s/he doesn’t settle, go back in and lay her/him on her/his side, facing away from you. When s/he starts to cry, place one hand on her/his shoulder and use the other to pat her/his bottom, saying, ‘It’s time to sleep’. If s/he stops crying, stop patting. Give her/him 2 minutes of this attention.
3. If after that your baby hasn’t fallen asleep, wait outside for 4 minutes. If s/he doesn’t settle, go in and repeat the process, this time for 4 minutes.
4. Extend the time spent comforting and leaving her/him alone to settle by 2 minutes each time. When s/he falls asleep, gently roll her/him on to her/him back. If s/he doesn’t settle within an hour, offer her/him a feed and a cuddle, then start again.

PROS:
- It is a good compromise for those who can’t handle controlled crying.

CONS:

- It can take a long time to work on any given evening and be several weeks before your baby learns to settle quickly.